11 Robots That Are Going to Steal Your Jobs Man

first_imgStay on target Let us know what you like about Geek by taking our survey. Yoyoyo, it’s your boy, J. Thor Kensen, back with all that hot listicle action that you crave so badly. And what are we talking about this time? Jobs. Nonono, not the dude behind the computer in your pocket but like…all the things you did to be able to afford that thing before you dropped it like once and got spiderweb cracks all across the front of it. Thing is, whatever your job is, sooner or later, you’re gonna lose it. And the No. 1 reason? Probably Linda narcing you out to the boss, honestly. But a close No. 2? That’d be the fact that some stupid, clanking robo-jerk is inevitably going to come in and snag your job from me.I know you think it’s unreasonable, that your job requires talents or abilities or whatever that robots can never have, but I’m here to tell you that it just ain’t so. Your boss is going to be stoked to replace you with something that doesn’t complain or need to sleep or even take up space in the office refrigerator. That only upside? At least Linda will be out on her ass too. Anyway, here are a bunch of the damn things that are gonna put you on the dole sooner or later.J. Thor Kensen is the illegitimate son of K. Thor Jensen.View as: One Page Slides1/111. Self-Driving Carsvia UberBeing an Uber or a Lyft driver is pretty great. Unless you need benefits and insurance. Or have to go to the bathroom. Or just don’t like working for an exploitive company that one of the clearest examples of the disaster that is late capitalism. But still, it’s a job man. But not for long if these car-driving robots have anything to say about it.2. R2-D2svia pixabay.com/gromit15So everyone knows about the famous little robot from Star Wars, but a lot of folks don’t realize that there are a bunch of different R2-D2s rolling around in those flicks. Used to be that a real human being would navigate the space planes but not anymore, man. Not anymore.3. Delivery Dronesvia amazonOnce the robots take over driving drunk people around on the weekends, you might think that you can pick up some work bringing them stuff during the week. The problem here is Amazon’s already got a bunch of drones doing that, and probably also watching you pee according to my pal Unique.4. Astro Boyvia animemagazine.comNot to date myself, but when I was coming up if you were a creepy old scientist who wanted a young boy to hang around with, no questions asked, you went to the orphanage. But as seen in the Japanese documentary Astro Boy, in the future you can just make a young ward for yourself, and no one will blink, even if all he wears is underwear and gogo boots.5. SexBotsvia synthea amatusSpeaking of sex robots, did you know that there are already robots (mostly Japanese) that you can bang? It’s the newest take on the oldest profession, which is how I’d pitch the ad campaign if the robo-copywriters didn’t have that industry on lock.6. Kraftwerkvia discogs.comMan, the craziest thing is that robots taking over jobs is nothing new. Kraftwerk has been snagging jobs from button-pressing musicians since, I dunno, the 50s or something? One of these robots even invented the drum machine and then got in a fight with another robot about it.7. Robearvia sumitomoriko.co.jpLike, carrying old people around ain’t what I’d call a good job, but as long as they aren’t super heavy, that’d be okay, right? The trouble is, we got Robear running around picking up all the olds. As far as we can tell, he isn’t also a sex robot, but give it time. Give it time.8. Rock Em Sock Em Robotsvia wikipedia.orgIn the nightmarish, post-nuclear hell landscape that awaits us all, there aren’t going to be many jobs. That’s just facts. The warlords are always going to want to watch people fight over scraps of food though, which would be a good thing if not for these punchdrunk dorks willing to give it away for free.9. Roombavia amazonSo, your boy’s got an idea for this one. What if instead of just sucking up everything off the floor, the Roomba had a kief filter and capture on it? I guess that’s just giving the robot more work though, right? Maybe just have your boy, J. Thor swing by and dig through your garbage for herb?10. Fassbendervia weylandindustries.comIn the future, not even The Fass himself, Michael Fassbender, will be safe from robotic replacement. Alien: Covenant’s got two of him running around in it! And judging from all the hot Fassbender-on-Fassbender action in that flick, robots will also be coming after another coveted job: Making out with Michael Fassbender.11. Stripper Botsvia hd.clarin.comIs this sexy? Kinda, right? I dunno, man. Internet porn has ruined me.center_img Review: ‘Daemon X Machina’ Has Big Robots, Small Fun on Nintendo SwitchThis Robot Is Equal Parts Lawnmower and Snow Blower last_img

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